A Guide To Inviting Guests and Being a Good Guest!
Should you use email or Evites? Should you send guests your website to RSVP? What about good old fashioned mail? What about a homing pigeon or some combination of these? How should you reply if you are sent an RSVP?
We will cover many aspects of this daunting subject below! Read on...
P.S. (We are not getting into the nitty gritty about proper wording and addressing envelopes here. That is a post for another day.)
INVITATIONS: Paper vs. Digital
First, let me say this: Paper invitations are a must in my book.
They don't have to be letterpress printed on archival, acid-free, extra thick, gold edged stock. They can be cheap Office Max card stock invitations that you design at home, but please (!), this is a sacred event, don't cheapen it by sending an Evite. No matter how casual your wedding may be, it is still a wedding and that merits a real paper invitation.
Now, before the folks at Evite get up in arms about the bad rap, let me say: I love Evites for certain occasions. A backyard BBQ, summer pool party, birthday party or a holiday get together? These are perfect occasions to use an Evite.
Weddings are NOT the occasion for such a casual invitation option. Most people will use the same word to describe using Evites for wedding invitations: TACKY.
Beyond that, the sky is the limit.
RSVP: Paper vs. Digital?
If you are at all concerned about your guest's ability to use technology in a reliable way, email or website RSVPs may be more trouble than they are worth. You will have to determine if the majority of your guests are computer savvy enough to make this a convenience rather than a bother for them.
Remember, the point of the RSVP is to find out how many guests will attend. Oddly, it is remarkably hard to get people to reply to your RSVP in any form. You may end up making calls as the event draws near to finalize your guest count no matter what format you choose.
If you are determined to go digital and save the paper and stamps, it will be a good move to elect point people in your family to contact great grandma Nellie and Uncle Sam on the farm without an internet connection. Some couples will choose a person on each side of the family to call the older or less tech savvy invitees and get their reply by phone and pass it along to you. That way, you don't have to make all of the calls and have more accurate guest count.
Let's take a look at the benefits and disadvantages of the digital reply card.
PROS:
1: Cost savings. No printing or postage costs. This can be a significant savings. If you have 75 guests, with stamps at .45¢, you can save $33.75 in postage alone. The cost of the RSVP card and envelope in the invitation envelope will also increase your postage cost when mailing them to the guests. Even more when you think of the cost of printing and addressing the additional return envelopes. Although, there are alternatives that can be less expensive when mailing RSVP cards such as postcards and address stamps for the return information.
2: Ease of reply for guests. If you have an RSVP feature on your website or include an email address to reply to, it does require just a few minutes to click a couple times and then be done with it! This works best if you have many guests who have internet access and ability.
3: Drives people to your website. You may want to share other details about your wedding that you can include on your website; sending them to the website for this reason will get them there to take a look around.
4: Streamlines the look of the invitation. Without the RSVP card to bulk things up, you can focus on a simple one page invitation in an envelope. All of the map and directive details can be on your website.
CONS:
1: If you have many family members who live in rural parts of the country or are older, they may have difficulty using or accessing the internet. You may also deter guests who have internet access, but don't feel comfortable using it for important things like a wedding.
2: Lacks the personal touch that the invitation RSVP card. The various sizes and shapes of envelopes in your invitation can add to the overall interest of your package.
3: Again, as I mentioned above, it is truly amazing how difficult it is to get people to RSVP. Anything you can do to make the reply process easy for them is recommended.
Emily Post suggests these standards when responding to an invitation. I wholeheartedly agree on all counts here.
REPLYING TO AN INVITATION - Emily Post weighs in.
Whether it is to a wedding, a dinner party, shower or gala event, an invitation comes with some important obligations. Here’s a quick guide to keep you on the guest list.
Emily Post - Invitation Etiquette
1. RSVP
From the French, it means “Répondez, s’il vous plaît,” or, “Please reply.” This little code has been around for a long time and it’s definitely telling you that your hosts want to know if you are attending. Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation.
2. How do I respond? Reply in the manner indicated on the invitation.
- RSVP and no response card: a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.
- Response Card: fill in and reply by the date indicated and return in the enclosed envelope.
- RSVP with phone number: telephone and make sure to speak in person – answering machines can be unreliable.
- RSVP with email: you may accept or decline electronically.
- Regrets only: reply only if you cannot attend. If your host doesn’t hear from you, he is expecting you!
- No reply requested? Unusual, but it is always polite to let someone know your intentions. A phone call would be sufficient.
3. Is that your final answer?
- Changing a ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ is only acceptable on account of: illness or injury, a death in the family or an unavoidable professional or business conflict. Call your hosts immediately.
- Canceling because you have a “better” offer is a sure fire way to get dropped from ALL the guest lists.
- Being a “no show” is unacceptable.
- Changing a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ is OK only if it will not upset the hosts’ arrangements.
4. “May I bring…”
Don’t even ask! An invitation is extended to the people the hosts want to invite—and no one else.- …a date. Some invitations indicate that you may invite a guest or date (Mr. John Evans and Guest) and when you reply, you should indicate whether you are bringing someone, and convey their name.
- …my children. If they were invited, the invitation would have said so.
- … my houseguest. It’s best to decline the invitation, stating the reason. This gives your host the option to extend the invitation to your guests, or not.
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